It was the appearance in Court of an expert chirosaccologist that made me realise that we are now surrounded by experts, and that, whatever the topic, there is an expert telling us what to do. For country folk and farmers in particular, these experts seem to be largely city based and appear to have no experience of the countryside, except as a kind of pasteurised parkland into which they can drive when the urge seizes them.
I know experts are busy people however, because every week one of them sends me an official book on this or that subject. Now; I consider myself a reasonable man but am irritated when these books contain basic information already known to everybody who has anything to do with farm life. This makes me wonder if experts sit at desks all day copying from old text books, and then adding a threat or two just to make sure they are taken seriously.
I have met many experts during life and in the early sixties; I sat quietly as a group of senior people discussed whether or not Britain should join the Common Market. The consensus view was summed up by one who said that, “Even the experts can’t agree between themselves and so how can the rest of us take a balanced view one way or the other?” This logic from Sydney Sullivan came back to mind recently during the Copenhagen summit on global warming.
The climate, and the weather, has always changed, but some people are now convinced that mankind is to blame and so we all must do something to stop change in its tracks. Once again the experts are divided, and so Sydney would not have been persuaded by the pop star Paul McCartney, when he says that the digestive system of cows and sheep is so dangerous to air purity that the planet can be saved by our eating only beans and carrots every Monday.
However, a beef producer of my acquaintance farms the land next to one of McCartney’s estates, and is convinced that Sir Paul’s daily helicopter flights do more damage to the climate than do his own shed-full of cud chewing bovines slowly maturing into delicious steaks for Waitrose.
We are not surprised that experts disagree, since to become an expert one has to spend a lot of time on one subject, which means that there is less time to know much about anything else. Recognising this, Sydney Sullivan also said, that important public decisions should never be made by experts, and that their associated campaigning groups must also be viewed with deep scepticism. He reckoned that the ones doing the campaigning usually had the most to gain.
Experts however, pop up in the most unlikely places, and in January I received a letter from some experts in finance who addressed me as their ‘valued customer.’ These experts were from HM Revenue & Customs but I am puzzled as to why they should think I am a customer. Maybe they have been on the same training course as the banking chiefs, and maybe both were taught by the American crook Bernard Madeof who knew a thing a two about taking money from customers.
Anyway, this tax collector offered me a free seminar to help me, “succeed in running my business.” At this point, readers might ask how a tax collector would know how to run a successful business. They might also consider whether we would all be more successful if, like high-bonus bankers, we were able to avoid the UK tax man altogether, and take our custom to the Channel Isles where tax authorities cost less and give better service.
St, Matthew was once a tax man, but generally speaking I am sceptical when people who sit at desks or sing pop songs, then tell me how to run my business or how many brussel sprouts and carrots I should eat on a Monday.
There are however times when experts are appreciated and are able to pass on their knowledge. This happened recently when Bishop Michael of Gloucester visited Pauntley for the first time. Evidently the Bishop has a unique understanding of the Incarnation which is at the heart of Christian belief, and he shared that with us during the service.
Afterwards, one parishioner told the Bishop, “You did a good job there Bishop. Your sermon was short and you got to the heart of the matter. “It’s easy for the rest of us to drift from the faith from time to time but it’s your job to bring us back again.” This approval from the nave caused a strange look to flicker across the Bishop’s face, which may be because he was unprepared for being told by a country bumpkin what his job is. If he needed further reminding that life in a country parish is different from that of the Cathedral he got it when the lady in charge of the kettle leaned gently on him and said, “Move over Bishop so that I can reach the biscuits.”
Talking of experts and being prepared however, reminds me of a Tetbury lady friend whose MP father had once worked on a farm and so was appointed a Labour agricultural minister. She tells of how on election night her Mother came home from the polling booth and was asked if she had voted for Dad, she replied, “Don’t know I went without my glasses.”
Had she have been a chirosaccologist (a handbag expert) and taken her glasses, her X might just have saved her husband his seat.
View from the Pew 