Recently an acquaintance died after a short and debilitating illness, but it was two weeks after the funeral that the wife and I heard of the unfortunate event. We were too late to be of immediate comfort to his wife and so we had to make our apologies when phoning and offering belated condolences. Although the funeral had been attended by people close to us none had thought to tell us.
This made me wonder why some people are told things but not others. Is it accident or design, or a bit of both? I expect many readers have similar experiences feeling they ought to have been told something and been a bit hurt when they eventually stumble across the story.
I guess that ‘telling or not telling’ is just a function of who is seen as a part of a particular network to which the ‘teller belongs.’ In rural communities there are a huge number of networks and sub-networks. For example, the farming network is split into Arable, Horticulture, Livestock, Fruit, Poultry, Contracting and Technical support, and so it is quite easy to miss something to do with say, an arable grower, when your interest is mainly cattle or sheep. Other networks include the WI, Church. Village Hall, Choirs, Campanology, Apiary and Schools. Plus all those networks to do with sport and games.
This list only touches the surface and so it is easy to see why every day of every year, some reader will find out something he or she feels they should have been told by a friend. But there is probably no point in getting upset about something you were not told by person A, because tomorrow, person B will be upset about something you didn’t tell them.
Talking of not knowing things however, reminds me of the old adage that the older one gets the less one knows about anything. In my own case, I can genuinely say that, like Manuel in Fawlty Towers, “I know nothing.” Of course it is not that there is nothing in my head which is overflowing with all kinds of stuff. In fact, like our attic, house and farm buildings, there is so much stuff in there that it needs a good sort out so that we can see the wood from the trees.
I have previously related the tale of how a divorced friend of mine came for a meal one evening. Afterwards, he sat on the lounge settee sipping a Glenlivet 12 year old and gazed around at the bric-a-brac crowding every flat surface of the room. After a slight pause he suddenly announced that he was going to redesign his house along minimalist lines which, he said would be, “Unlike your house which is clutterist.”
Talking about clutter in the mind however, reminds me of a visit to an old friend in Ledbury Hospital almost sixteen years ago. A few hours before he died he turned and asked, “What time have I got?’ I thought for a moment and replied, “You’ve got time enough to put things in the right place in your mind.”
The month of July is not the time for Spring Cleaning and getting rid of the dust and detritus in the house or the farm, but maybe it could be a good time to clean out some of the rubbish in the mind.
View from the Pew 